write/ older entries/ / miss miranda/ burningtheletters.net

2003-05-29 - 1:34 p.m. it weighs so much, my shoulders are burning, my back aches. i never realized how hard it would be to teach myself to stop carrying the weight of the world. i have to coax myself out of the dark room full of heavy stank air and remind myself that no one is hovering over me any longer, forcing me to hold my breath, close my eyes, carry each and every piece of the weight of the world. no one is making me shut out the beauty and delight of the world any more. i can have it, i can run light and free, i am no longer under anyone's control. why is it that i constantly re-imagine and re-create authority over myself and pain for me to suffer when it's no longer there. i'm bowing to an imaginary and expired tyrant. this needs to stop. ( 0 tell me?)